Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
