roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Randomize
