Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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