Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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