I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
