my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
