Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
