dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize