Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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