How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Less talking, more tequila
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
