Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The Olympian is in my bed
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