Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
