am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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