I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
