Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
