So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
