i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
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