I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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