i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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