i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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