Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
