the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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