i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
