There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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