Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
