and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
