Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
