i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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