I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
