I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
