My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
a search helicopter?!
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
