sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
