very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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