Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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