She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
