i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
