Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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