The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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