I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
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vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
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We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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