I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
