Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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