call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
