We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
