He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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