margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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