His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize