So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
bring money and cleavage
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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