Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
