Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
