Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize