its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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