I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
