last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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