some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
