You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He? As in you personified your dick?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
