We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my shit smells like andre
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
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she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
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YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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