My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
