i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
