i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
