Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
