I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
