how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
