you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
