Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Sober January is a disaster.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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