remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
