I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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