handjob tips. give me some.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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