Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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