He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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