Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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