Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
