worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
