dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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