So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
