So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
this is an emotional support booty call
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
