I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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