trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
do nipples grow back?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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