i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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