never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
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