I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
