I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
